The Art of Therapeutic Challenges

Eric Marquette

Therapy is often described as a journey, right? A process that takes you from awareness to insight, and then, hopefully, to intentional action. But what does that actually mean? I mean, how does a therapist help someone—someone who might feel stuck or confused or even resistant—start to understand their own behavior? That’s where challenges come into play.

Eric Marquette

So let’s break this down. Therapists use challenges to highlight discrepancies—these are the little, or sometimes big, mismatches that we might not even realize are there. For example, you could say one thing but feel or do the complete opposite. Like saying, "I'm totally fine," but inside you’re boiling with frustration. And you know, in therapy, this is where awareness begins—because noticing those gaps is the first step toward understanding them.

Eric Marquette

But here’s the kicker: clients have to be ready for this. Not everyone is open or able to confront those kinds of hard truths right off the bat. Therapists are trained to pick up on markers—like ambivalence, you know, when someone is really torn about a decision, or contradictions, when their words and actions just don’t match. These are like neon signs telling a therapist, hey, this person might be ready to dive deeper.

Eric Marquette

Let me give you an example to make this concrete. Imagine Maria—she’s someone who’s always been career-driven. On the surface, she says she loves her job, but then there’s this constant frustration, this nagging voice that wonders if she’s really living the life she wants. On one hand, she values financial stability, but on the other, she’s unhappy with the long hours and lack of personal time. A therapist might say something like, “You talk about how much you value your work, but I also hear frustration with how it’s taking over your life. Have you thought about what that means?” This kind of challenge can open the door for Maria to explore what she really wants and why she’s feeling so stuck.

Eric Marquette

Challenges like that have to be handled carefully though. I mean, we’re not talking about criticism or judgment here; it’s more like holding up a mirror. It’s gentle, respectful, but also calls for some real self-exploration. And when done well, these moments can be life-changing.

Eric Marquette

And, yeah, these tools might sound simple, but they’re incredibly powerful when used the right way.

Eric Marquette

Now, here’s the thing about challenges—they’re not just what you say, but also how and when you say it. Timing and delivery are everything. Sometimes, tools like chair work or even silence can say more than words ever could. For instance, chair work is fascinating because it physically engages clients, asking them to literally take different perspectives by switching seats. One moment they’re expressing frustration, the next they’re stepping into someone else’s shoes. It’s a powerful, almost theatrical technique that forces you to confront your own internal dialogues head-on.

Eric Marquette

And then there’s silence—it’s almost paradoxical, isn’t it? It’s this non-action that can feel uncomfortable, even awkward, but it’s intentional. Skilled therapists use silence to open up space for reflection. You’d be surprised how much can emerge when you just stop talking, even for a few seconds. It’s not about being passive. It’s about challenging clients to explore their thoughts without spoon-feeding them the answers. I mean, think about it—how often do we really sit with our own feelings without rushing to fill the void?

Eric Marquette

But we also can’t overlook cultural considerations. Not everyone’s going to interpret silence or direct challenges the same way, especially given past experiences with authority. Some people may feel turned off by confrontation altogether, seeing it as criticism, while others might thrive on that very dynamic. Therapists have to adapt—they need to meet people where they’re at, both emotionally and culturally. Without that sensitivity, even the most well-intentioned challenges can miss the mark entirely.

Eric Marquette

Actually, this reminds me of a workshop I once attended. The facilitator used humor to disarm defensiveness in the room. It was really something—a client was stuck in a loop of self-criticism, completely shutting down. The facilitator, just taking the slightest risk, cracked a light joke about how much energy the client was spending tearing himself apart. And just like that, the energy shifted. You could see the client relax, and before long, they were talking more openly. Humor, when used thoughtfully, has this way of cutting through tension and opening doors you thought were locked shut.

Eric Marquette

So these techniques—chair work, silence, cultural sensitivity, and even humor—they all serve a purpose. They’re tools therapists use to make challenges less overwhelming and more accessible. Because at its core, delivering a challenge isn’t about being confrontational. It’s about creating those little nudges that encourage clients to see themselves, honestly and compassionately.

Eric Marquette

You know, one of the simplest, yet most profound tools in therapy is language. Just think about how powerful it can be to reframe a situation with just a few words. Helping a client shift from saying "I can’t" to "I won’t"—it’s subtle, but wow, it carries so much more accountability. It’s like shining a light on the choices they might not even realize they’re making.

Eric Marquette

And here’s the key: these shifts in language aren’t about blame or making the client feel judged. They’re really about empowering them to see their own role in the patterns they want to break free from. It’s collaborative. Take, for example, a client who often says, “I just don’t know what to do.” The therapist might gently ask, “What would it look like if you admitted you do know, but you’re unsure of the outcome?” That small adjustment right there? It opens the door for self-reflection without shutting the client down.

Eric Marquette

Let me share a story about Dan, someone who really leaned into this concept. Dan had this habit of beating himself up mentally, saying things like, “I always mess up” or “I’m not good enough.” His therapist didn’t try to argue with him or convince him otherwise. Instead, they asked him to reframe those thoughts: “What if instead of ‘I’m not good enough,’ you said, ‘I’m still learning’? How would that feel?” Slowly, Dan began to notice how much his words fueled his negativity. By tweaking his language just a bit, he started to approach challenges in a more proactive, even optimistic way.

Eric Marquette

This approach works because it’s grounded in empathy. The therapist didn’t just throw the challenge out there; they worked with Dan to explore the why behind his self-talk and guided him to see things differently—for himself. And that’s the magic of a thoughtful, collaborative challenge. It’s not about calling someone out. It’s about inviting them to step up.

Eric Marquette

So, as we wrap up today, let’s remember that challenges in therapy, at their core, are about connection. They’re not just about pointing out where someone’s stuck. They’re about empowering the client to see their own resilience, their capacity for choice, and their ability to grow. That’s the real artistry in this work, isn’t it?

Eric Marquette

And that’s all for today’s journey into the art of therapeutic challenges. Thanks for spending time with me here. Until next time, take care of yourselves and keep exploring what makes you, you.